Showing posts with label movies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label movies. Show all posts
Monster Movies: Why Do the Buxom Die Young?
[NOTE: This is an update of "Monster Movies: Why Do the Buxom Die Young?" first published June 8, 2008.]
I know a young movie actress. She has startling, beautiful green eyes, a great body and film credits. This young mother of three, happily married, has worked before and behind the camera for years.
But, when she is in front of the camera, her film time is short. That is because she works exclusively in the SciFi/Horror genre. Her specialty? To be killed by the monster.
She is the classic initial victim. She screams, gets mauled, and dies. Her Hollywood profile page lists her thusly: SciFi/Horror,Breasts, Butt.
Which brings us to the question every male has asked since the 1930s.
Why does the girl with the great boobs die first?
And have you noticed that the blond victims have decidedly different personalities than the brunette, buxom beauties about to die? The blonds can barely do their nails. The brunettes are a bit devious.
Both deserve to die of course--except that every male in the theatre is praying for the vicious beast to instead kill the scrawny dishwater blond with the great butt, a graduate degree of some sort, who turns out to be the heroine. You can hear the whispered, barely-audible male voices: "why her?", "I knew it", and 'I need something to eat" murmur through the post-gurgling-death scream silence.
Theories abound among the cognizant. The busty girls run slower. They cannot fit through the inconveniently-sized escape passages. Sure, they can swim on the surface, but they are poor divers.
The built ones seem more willing to strip down at the wrong time and place. They are randy.They whine too much. Big-boobed girls are more prone to falling down, and that's when the slim girls make their getaway. They hang with the wrong crowd. They shower too much and leave the doors unlocked.
Sometimes, they shower while their doors are unlocked.
There's even the conspiratorial: She rocks so much, the producer could not afford another minute.
But DBKP's LBG says this is not necessarily true.
"Who doesn't enjoy 'Invasion of the Bee Girls? In that movie, there's one falling every couple minutes. But they're not really dying. They're just changing into Bee Girl nymphos."
An expert was consulted on the Bee Girls:
The Biller goes to this mysterious California institute where they perform all sorts of sex rituals and experiments. There he meets this sensuous blonde, the one who was with the first victim when he died. She says that she and the dead guy “balled and balled and balled until he dropped dead,” to which Bill replies: “Can I take you to lunch?”
Enough of Bee Girls, let's get back to the B(-movie) girls.
These are explanations the screen writer and others have forced upon you.
We all know the real reason that the buxom die young--and early in the flick: Your date wants her dead.
Never mind that these girls, admired by every male in the theater completely show up the B-cupped heroine–whose brains are disproportionate to her bra size and who happens to be able to run, swim, and crawl through small openings with less whining. When the film starts, every SciFi/Horror fan is guessing who is going to die.
And the cheering sections can be broken down by sex.
by pat
images:
* comiccovers
* dukelabs
* hillcitycomics
* Answers.com
"There were a lot of naysayers out there when we said we were doing this." "The Hulk smashed those naysayers."Nikki Rocco, Universal's president of domestic distribution
--Nikki Rocco, Universal's president of domestic distribution
Weekend Box Office Leaders: June 13-15, 2008
The latest movie adaptation of Marvel Comic's The Incredible Hulk finished where the comic book character usually end up: on top.
Judged against Spider-Man, Hulk came up short. Judged against Hulk, The Incredible Hulk came up big. The franchise restart, starring Edward Norton, topped the weekend box office with $54.5 million, according to Exhibitor Relations estimates today. While that's about $8 million less than what Ang Lee's Hulk opened with in 2003, the gross is considered a victory for Universal Pictures, which had to overcome, well, Ang Lee's Hulk
The Hulk accounted for about a third of all ticket sales over the weekend.
#2 - Kung Fu Panda $34.3 million
#3 The Happening 30.5 million
#4 Don't Mess with the Zohan 16.4 million
The rest of the Top Ten:
5. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, $13.5 million
6. Sex and the City, $10.2 million
7. Iron Man, $5.1 million
8. The Strangers, $4.1 million
9. The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian, $3 million
10. What Happens in Vegas, $1.7 million
The total movie box office receipts for 2008 are almost equal to this same time last year.
by Mondoreb
images: Universal
Sources:
* Incredible Hulk Smashes Past
* Today in Pop Culture
I know a young movie actress. She has startling, beautiful green eyes, a great body and film credits. This young mother of three, happily married, has worked before and behind the camera for years.
But, when she is in front of the camera, her film time is short. That is because she works exclusively in the SciFi/Horror genre. Her specialty? To be killed by the monster.
She is the classic initial victim. She screams, gets mauled, and dies. Her Hollywood profile page lists her thusly: SciFi/Horror,Breasts, Butt.
Which brings us to the question every male has asked since the 1930s.
Why does the girl with the great boobs die first?
And have you noticed that the blond victims have decidedly different personalities than the brunette, buxom beauties about to die? The blonds can barely do their nails. The brunettes are a bit devious.
Both deserve to die of course--except that every male in the theatre is praying for the vicious beast to instead kill the scrawny dishwater blond with the great butt, a graduate degree of some sort, who turns out to be the heroine. You can hear the whispered, barely-audible male voices: "why her?", "I knew it", and 'I need something to eat" murmur through the post-gurgling-death scream silence.
Theories abound among the cognizant. The busty girls run slower. They cannot fit through the inconveniently-sized escape passages. Sure, they can swim on the surface, but they are poor divers.
The built ones seem more willing to strip down at the wrong time and place. They are randy.They whine too much. Big-boobed girls are more prone to falling down, and the slim girls make their getaway. They hang with the wrong crowd. They shower too much and leave the doors unlocked.
Even the conspiratorial: She rocks so much, the producer could not afford another minute.
These are explanations the screen writer has forced upon you. We all know the real reason that the buxom die young--and early in the flick: Your date wants her dead.
Never mind that she would show up the B-cupped heroine whose brains are disproportionate to her bra size and who happens to be able to run, swim, and crawl through small openings, with less whining.
by pat
images:
* comiccovers
* dukelabs
* hillcitycomics
* Answers.com
DBKP.com - Bigger, Better!.
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ICONS
1904 Dr Seuss [Theodor Geisel] children's book author (Green Eggs and Ham, Horton Hears a Who!) was born in Springfield, Mass. He wrote and illustrated 44 children's books. However, they are still enjoyed by many adults.
WAR!
1776 Americans begin shelling British troops in Boston.
1943 The World War II Battle of the Bismarck Sea began; U.S. and Australian warplanes were able to inflict heavy damage on a Japanese convoy.
1966 215,000 US soldiers in Vietnam.
TERRORISM
1973 "Black September" terrorists occupy Saudi Embassy in Khartoum.
1981 Aircraft hijacked by 3 Pakistani terrorists.
1982 Terror group "The Illuminated Path" frees 260 prisoners in Peru.
1998 The U.N. Security Council unanimously endorsed Secretary-General Kofi Annan's deal to open Iraq's presidential palaces to arms inspectors.
2003 Iraq crushed another six Al Samoud II missiles, as ordered by U.N. weapons inspectors.
2007 The bodies of 14 kidnapped policemen were found northeast of Baghdad.
DISASTER
1910 2 trains crash in snow storm in Wellington WA, 118 die.
1933 Most powerful earthquake in 180 years hit Japan.
1938 Landslides & floods cause over 200 deaths (Los Angeles CA).
1944 Fumes from locomotive stalled in a tunnel suffocates 521 in Italy.
1989 Exxon Houston runs aground in Hawaii, spills 117,000 gallons of oil.
1995 Ferry boat sinks off Sumbe Angola, 42+ killed.
2007 A charter bus carrying a college baseball team from Bluffton University in Ohio plunged off an Atlanta highway ramp and slammed into the pavement below, killing seven people.
TYPICAL
1939 Massachusetts Legislature votes to ratify the Bill of Rights; 147 years late.
BELOVED
1950 Silly Putty invented.
SURE THEY DID
1977 The U.S. House of Representatives adopted a strict code of ethics.
TABLOIDS
2007 Anna Nicole Smith was buried in the Bahamas following a lavish memorial service.
NANNY STATE
1789 Pennsylvania ends prohibition of theatrical performances.
JEWS
1915 Vladmir Jabotinsky forms a Jewish military force to fight in Palestine.
ZEAL
1817 1st Evangelical church building dedicated, New Berlin PA.
POLITICS
1807 Congress bans slave trade effective January 1, 1808.
1836 The Republic of Texas formally declared its independence from Mexico.
1853 Territory of Washington organized after separating from Oregon Territory.
1861 US Congress creates Dakota & Nevada Territories out of the Nebraska & Utah territories.
1877 Republican Rutherford B. Hayes was declared the winner of the 1876 presidential election over Democrat Samuel J. Tilden, even though Tilden had won the popular vote. Shades of Al Gore and the 2000 election.
1917 Puerto Ricans were granted U.S. citizenship as President Wilson signed the Jones-Shafroth Act.
POLICE STATE
1994 Branch Davidian cult leader David Koresh promises to surrender if taped statement is broadcast; it is, but he doesn't.
PROGRESS
1866 1st US company to make sewing needles by machine incorporated, Connecticut.
MAINSTREAM MEDIA
1923 Time magazine debuts.
1977 Future Tonight Show host Jay Leno debuts with host Johnny Carson.
1978 1st broadcast of "Dallas" on CBS TV.
1983 Final episode of MASH; 125,000,000 viewers; most-viewed TV show ever.
DISNEY
1976 Walt Disney World logged its 50 millionth guest.
SPORTS
1962 Wilt Chamberlain scores incredible 100 points in an NBA game.
1991 Del Ballard Jr throws most famous gutter ball in PBA Tour history.
PARKS
1899 Mount Rainier National Park in Washington state was established.
IMMIGRATION
1819 US passed its 1st immigration law.
WOMEN
1903 Martha Washington Hotel, catering to women only, opens in New York NY.
MOVIES
1933 The motion picture "King Kong" had its world premiere in New York.
1965 The movie version of Rodgers and Hammerstein's musical "The Sound of Music" had its world premiere at New York's Rivoli Theater.
OUTLAWS
1867 Jesse James-gang robs bank in Savannah MO, 1 dead.
EURO-WEENIES
1989 12 European nations agree to ban chlorofluorocarbon production by 2000.
ASSASSINATION
1973 Cleo Noel US ambassador to Sudan is assassinated.
1979 Sir Richard Sykes British ambassador is assassinated in Holland.
CRICKET
1898 Australia complete a 4-1 series annihilation of England.
SCANDAL
2007 Army Secretary Francis J. Harvey resigned following a scandal over substandard conditions for wounded Iraq soldiers at Walter Reed Army Medical Center.
EXPORERS
1958 A multinational expedition led by British geologist and explorer Vivian Fuchs completed the first overland crossing of Antarctica by way of the South Pole in 99 days.
BORN
1793 The first president of the Republic of Texas, Sam Houston, was born near Lexington, Va.
1917 Desi Arnaz Santiago Cuba, singer/actor (Ricky Ricardo-I Love Lucy).
BIRTHDAYS
Actress Jennifer Jones is 89. Bluegrass singer-musician Doc Watson is 85. Actor John Cullum is 78. Author Tom Wolfe is 78. Former Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev is 77. Actress Barbara Luna is 69. Actor Jon Finch is 67. Author John Irving is 66. Singer Lou Reed is 66. Actress Cassie Yates is 57. Actress Laraine Newman is 56. Sen. Russell Feingold, D-Wis., is 55. Singer Jay Osmond is 53. Pop musician John Cowsill (The Cowsills) is 52. Tennis player Kevin Curren is 50. Country singer Larry Stewart (Restless Heart) is 49. Rock singer Jon Bon Jovi is 46. Blues singer-musician Alvin Youngblood Hart is 45. Actor Daniel Craig is 40. Rock musician Casey (Jimmie's Chicken Shack) is 32. Rock singer Chris Martin (Coldplay) is 31. Actress Heather McComb is 31. Actress Bryce Dallas Howard is 27. Actor Robert Iler ("The Sopranos") is 23.
DEATH
1991 James "Cool Papa" Bell Negro baseball league great, dies at 87.
March 2, the 62nd day of 2008. There are 304 days left in the year.
images:
* pcart
* Red Planet
* modernmechanix
Sources:
* Today in History
* Today in History
DBKP.com - Bigger, Better!.
Death by 1000 Papercuts Front Page.
QUICK-THINKING
1504 Christopher Columbus, stranded in Jamaica during his fourth voyage to the West, used a correctly predicted lunar eclipse to frighten hostile natives into providing food for his crew.
You might be interested in reading: Leap Day: Facts, Figures, Birthdays and Famous Events |
WAR!
1856 Hostilities in Russo-Turkish War cease.
1944 US troops land on Los Negros, Admirality Islands.
DISASTER
1960 Earthquake kills 1/3 of Agadir Morocco population (12,000) in 15 seconds.
1996 A Peruvian commercial jetliner crashed in the Andes, killing all 123 people on board.
UNUSUAL
1904 Adolph Blaine Charles David Earl Frederick Gerald Hubert Irvin John Kenneth Lloyd Martin Nero Oliver Paul Quincy Randolph Sherman Thomas Uncas Victor William Xerxes Yancy Zeus Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenberdorft Sr near Hamburg, Germany; had a Christian name for every letter in the alphabet, shortened it to Mr Wolfe Plus 585 Sr.
VAVOOM!
1960, the first Playboy Club, featuring waitresses clad in "bunny" outfits, opened in Chicago.
KINK
1784 Marquis de Sade transferred from Vincennes fortress to the Bastille.
RECORDS
1964 Frank Rugani sets badminton shuttlecock distance record, 24.3 meters.
WHAT?
1988 NYC Mayor Koch calls Reagan a "WIMP" in the war on drugs.
POLITICS
1956 Islamic Republic established in Pakistan.
2000 George W. Bush won Republican presidential primaries in Virginia, Washington state and North Dakota, defeating John McCain; Vice President Al Gore crushed fellow Democrat Bill Bradley in Washington state.
SPORTS
1964 North Carolina high school basketball teams play to 56-54 score in 13 overtime.
KILLERS
1996 Daniel Green was convicted in Lumberton, North Carolina, of murdering James R. Jordan, the father of basketball star Michael Jordan, during a 1993 roadside holdup. (Green and an accomplice, Larry Martin Demery, were sentenced to life in prison.)
2000 Six-year-old Kayla Rolland was fatally shot by a fellow first-grader at Buell Elementary School in Mount Morris Township, Michigan.
REPORTS
1968 President Lyndon B. Johnson's National Advisory Commission on Civil Disorders (also known as the Kerner Commission) warned that racism was causing America to move "toward two societies, one black, one white -- separate and unequal."
BURNED
1528 Patrick Hamilton Scottish protestant martyr, burned at stake.
MOVIES
1940 "Gone with the Wind" won eight Academy Awards, including best picture of 1939.
2000 "The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King" won a record-tying 11 Academy Awards, including best picture; Sean Penn took the best-actor prize for "Mystic River" and Charlize Theron won best actress for "Monster."
SCIENCE
1968 the discovery of the first "pulsar," a star which emits regular radio waves, was announced by Dr. Jocelyn Bell Burnell in Cambridge, England.
MUSIC
1968 at the Grammy Awards, the 5th Dimension's "Up, Up and Away" won record of the year for 1967, while album of the year honors went to The Beatles for "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band."
QUITTING
1984 Canadian Prime Minister Pierre Elliott Trudeau announced he was stepping down after more than 15 combined years in power.
2000 Facing rebellion, Haitian President Jean-Bertrand Aristide resigned and left for exile in the Central African Republic.
RATINGS
1996 About 30 television and entertainment industry executives met with President Clinton at the White House, where they promised to devise a TV ratings system.
BORN
1908 The artist known as Balthus was born in Paris.
1936 Henri "Rocket" Richard NHL center (Montréal Canadiens).
1944 Dennis Farina Chicago IL, actor (Mike Torello-Crime Story).
BIRTHDAYS
Actress Michele Morgan is 88. Actor James Mitchell is 88. Actor Joss Ackland is 80. Actor Alex Rocco is 72. Former space shuttle astronaut Jack Lousma is 72. Actor Dennis Farina is 64. Actress Phyllis Frelich is 64. Actor Antonio Sabato Jr. is 36. Rapper Ja Rule is 32.
DEATH
1992 Johnny Mack British actor (Time Lord-Dr Who), dies at 70.
2000 Playwright Jerome Lawrence died in Malibu, California, at age 88.
February 29th, the 60th day of 2008. There are 306 days left in the year. This is Leap Day.
compiled by Mondoreb
image: eaae
Sources:
* Today in History
* Today in History
* Today in History
DBKP.com - Bigger, Better!.
Death by 1000 Papercuts Front Page.
It's been pointed out that the Hollywood that was patriotically American during WWII has other cinematic fish to fry during the Iraqi War.
The latest offering to the "America is Always Wrong" crowd is Brian DePalma's atomic-sized bomb "Redacted". It's a movie sure to warm the hearts of Code Pinks and anti-war zealots, but it's left the rest of the public cold.
For a more in-depth look at a movie about U.S. soldiers raping a 14-year-old and the non-interest it's raised among movie ticket-buying Americans, go on over to Red Planet Cartoons.
"Aid and Comfort" at Red Planet Cartoons.
Death by 1000 Papercuts Front Page.
Producer/writer Stephen Boccho has a wardrobe malfunction.
Upon entering Hollywood last time, one encountered a long line of traffic backed up at a huge police roadblock. As each car stopped, a pair of policeman approached the car. As one inspected the exterior of the vehicle, the other, through the opened window, handed the occupants some "items for your protection."
They were tinfoil hats.
The officer was thanked and the journey resumed. The protective devices the policeman offered proved to be too tight, cutting off the oxygen to the wearer's brain and were soon discarded.
Steve Boccho, creator of TV shows such as Hill Street Blues and others, apparently soldiered on under the reduced brain activity his hat produced.
If proof is needed, it comes from an article at Newsday in an article entitled, "Foreign Wars are Hollywood Hell". In it, Boccho relates his experiences producing shows featuring his particular view of history. "It's a hugely unpopular war, and there's a staggering amount of depressing coverage," says producer Steven Bochco. Bochco's 2005 TV series "Over There," about a platoon of soldiers fighting in Iraq, lasted just one season. "TV is fully saturated with this war," he adds, "and I don't know if you can do a serious drama about this war and locate any angle that would overcome the negativity about it."
Mr. Boccho's "staggering amount of depressing coverage" apparently refers to increasingly positive news from Iraq about declining death tolls and al-Qaeda's retreat.
Boccho also shines his analytic flashlight of comparative history on another war:..."World War II was hugely romanticized in terms of its fiction," Bochco says. "There were unambiguous villains, and the feeling we were fighting the right people over the right issues, as opposed to this war, which many people feel is misguided...
This is too much for the Purple Avenger, at Ace of Spades, who reveals that Boccho has traded his tinfoil chapeau for another one.Steven Bochco is an asshat
Bravo!
What pray tell does this f*cktard find "ambiguous" about blowing up packed markets, school children, chopping heads, etc? Why are the perpetrators of such atrocities NOT the "right people" to have our armed forces engage, and why the f*ck is this NOT the "right issue"?
You want to know why Over There was a bomb Steven? It was a bomb because your morally devoid terror-sympathetic mindset couldn't possibly write something that would appeal to the population in general. Piss be upon you and I hope everything your fetid black hearted hand touches in the future becomes a bomb too.
But one suspects that even 100 bombs would fail to force Stephen Boccho to go hatless.
by Mondoreb
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