The story of a man who loves his car.
No, I mean, really, he loves his car.
Really.
Most people think they have figured out autoertism as of the age 12 or so. Turns out that is not quite so. And many of us associated cars with sex, but it was what was in the car with us. Not, ah, the .....auto itself!
A man who claims to have had sex with 1,000 cars has defended his "romantic" feelings towards vehicles.
"Edward Smith, who lives with his current "girlfriend" – a white Volkswagen Beetle named Vanilla, insisted that he was not "sick" and had no desire to change his ways.
"I appreciate beauty and I go a little bit beyond appreciating the beauty of a car only to the point of what I feel is an expression of love," he said."
That's right: Fast Eddie here has turned in hooters for honkers.
This (above) for this (below):
"Mr Smith, 57, first had sex with a car at the age of 15, and claims he has never been attracted to women or men. But he confesses that many of the cars he has had sex with have belonged to strangers or car showrooms."
How kind of Eddie to share his passion with us. No word yet as to whether the sex was as good for the Auto as it was for Eddie.
And the mechanics of the whole act are somewhat iffy to the normal mind (Is this where the creepy Mini Cooper came from?).
And I know some of you will tease Eddie with mockery and cruel puns. Tell him he is merely polishing his stick shift, that he is being a bit racy, that cars are to be jacked up, not off etc. But Eddie--who has come out of the closet, oops, I mean, cab--argues that he is part of an international movement:
"Mr Smith is now part of a global community of more than 500 “car lovers” brought together by internet forums."
So this means it is all OK, right?
Well maybe this guy can marry his horny Volkswagon in California, but this guy is a wreck in my opinion.
A pervert who has lost his wheels.
by pat
Sources:
* http://www.telegraph.co.uk
* toolwrench
* autobahnpower
* crazybutable
* charitybuzz
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Instructions for a fun time on the interstate.. ......... ....
Step 1. Tie balloons to car.
Step 2. Drive like a bat out of hell....
Step 3. Watch people freak out!!!!
by RidesAPaleHorse
image: hillcountrychurch; RAPH
Source: The Most Fun You Can Have with a Car, Some Balloons, and 60 Miles of Interstate
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A precautionary tale of stoner woe from the Dayton Daily News:A complainant reported his vehicle was stolen from the 3000 block of Cornell Drive.
He couldn't remember how long he'd been getting high. He couldn't remember where he left his keys. He sounded like he might not be sure if he'd loaned his car to someone.
He told police he was getting high in a drug house and wasn't sure how long he had been inside.
The complainant also said he didn't know if he left the keys in the vehicle or if drug dealers stole them from his location. He also stated that he's loaned his vehicle out before but not this time.
--"Man Says He Was Getting High While Car Was Stolen"
Maybe he had a car, maybe he didn't. Maybe he'd once ridden in a car and had gotten it all mixed up. Maybe he could spell "car".
The anti-drug forces now have a new poster child. That famous egg in the frying pan now has competition from an unlucky stoner from Dayton.
by Mondoreb
Death by 1000 Papercuts Front Page.
