What We Call News
What we Call the News
The latest offering from the folks at jib jab pokes a little--truthful--fun at the Mainstream Media.
Enjoy!
[video time: 2 min]
Jib Jab's productions are popular because they play no favorites: they make fun of everyone.
by Mondoreb
hat tip: Ernest Hancock, Freedoms Phoenix
Two months and three days ago, we "celebrated" something called Earth Day.
The KG3, in the person of Irony Curtain, was there to cover the shenanigans. One result is above: GreeNazi magazine.
Who or what are The KG3? And why? Some say they are an ad hoc group of cagey party misfits "putting the toil in toilet humor." Others suspect this troika was selected for its commitment to outstanding production. Do not be ridiculous. But perhaps the masses have the right to know why The KG3s efforts merit a separate category when they are not even children of elite Party members? Perhaps it is not wise to ask too many questions.
As the GreeNazi cover suggests, "Recycle! Reuse one page of this issue to wipe yourself!"
At last, a Green publication we can get behind.
by Mondoreb
powered by: Irony Curtain of the KG3
Image/source: Green Nazi magazine: Earth Day issue
Introducing: The Guy's Remote
FEATURES:
* Slim styling
* Sleek feel
* One color: black
* Rugged exterior
* No fancy, little-used buttons to clutter things up
THIS is the remote that guys REALLY want...lol!!
by RidesAPaleHorse
image: RAPH
Source:
* Techno-Gadgets: The Guy's Remote
* The Guy's Remote
DBKP.com - Bigger, Better!.
Back to DBKP at Blogger Front Page
With illegal immigration, globaloney, Obamania and the latest McCain inanity, we'd completely forgotten to check out one of our favorite sites: The People's Cube.
It's a good place for Monday web surfers to slow down, pull in and take a gander. Any day surfers, for that matter.
The graphic above is from their latest offering, "Chevy Bill Ayers: A Classic Ride for Limousine Liberals".
Can't win at the ballot box? Get a Chevy Bill Ayers!
* Reinforced bumpers: perfect for ramming government buildings
* With the top down everyone can see you giving the finger
There are many other features to this contemporary CHEvy model. You can check them out at The People's Cube.
In the meantime, you might want to contact your GM dealer about reserving this sleek, stylish driving machine.
by Mondoreb
image/source: Chevy Bill Ayers: A Classic Ride for Limousine Liberals
DBKP.com - Bigger, Better!.
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Tales from the BlancaSphere
The Honorable Mike Huckabee
Dear Mr. Huckabee:
As a woman of faith and woman of size I believe in only the right, moral things in life. As a man of faith and a former man of size, I am sure you can relate.
Our country and party is currently at a crossroads. Due to events beyond our control, insane forces have overtaken our party and have chosen an evildoer as our presumptive nominee for President in 2008. Those of use who are true conservatives find ourselves sharing a moment of sorrow with our Lord and Savior from 1 Chronicles 1:25.
John McCain claims that he is the natural choice for Commander Guy, because he has the experience, which will keep us save from the Islamofanaticfascistterristas. Nothing could be further from the truth.
Having a man like John McCain as President is not going to protect the country if we piss off the Almighty. I mean that is why we were attacked in the first place, because of abortion, gays, and the ACLU. I mean that’s what Jerry Falwell said, and I believed him, even though God decided to take him from us because of his love of fatty, fatty food.
God will punish us all for voting for John McCain, who believes not only in evolution, but also in global warming, and gravity. It does my heart good to hear that not only don’t you do math, but that you do do miracles. Can you also promise not to do science, medicine, or polemic philosophy?
At least with you we can be assured there won’t be any gay bathroom sex. You can assure us of that, can’t you? Never mind, let’s just stick to don’t ask, don’t tell, shall we?
And what a refreshing thing it will be to have your wife as the First Lady. For far too long, First Ladies have been refined and beautiful. With your wife we will finally have a first lady who represents real American women: fat, ugly, and as flat chested as an eight-year-old.
And no one really cares about your son hanging stray dogs. I mean who hasn’t hanged a stray dog in their youth? At least he didn’t do drugs. You can assure us of that, can’t you? Oh, never mind.
So I urge you to run as a conservative for the Conservative Party of America (CPA). Please don’t let the initials scare you. We promise not to make you do math. With Jesus doing the tallying of the votes, courtesy of Diebold, we have nothing to do but plan the inaugural balls. Sorry, I didn’t mean to use profanity like that. I meant to say dances. Oh, I forgot. Dancing is a sin. To avoid controversy and the wrath of God, let’s just agree to have inaugural quiltings and spelling bees.
The CPA will be comprised of the best from all the political parties and spectrums in this great nation. From the social conservatives, who believe in the infallibility of The Bible and the fallibility of physics, to the Southerners, who hold on to tradition—you know, the kind that was to egregiously taken from us by the Thirteenth Amendment.
Together, fundamentalists and first amendmentalists will join hands with the neo Cons and the neo Nazis. The parties of Lincoln and Reagan will combine forces with the parties of Thurmond and Davis. United we will be unstoppable.
Praise Jesus and burn the Constitution!
And just like the crowds cheered for another Son of the South, who also had deficiencies in the counting sciences, crowds will soon call out to you “Run, Hucky, Run!”
As a life-long Republican, I can no longer sit idly by and watch as John McCain sucks the life blood out of my party like some kind of vampire or bad porn actress.
The time has come to act. Some men are born to greatness, and others have greatness thrust upon them. And still others fall ass backwards into greatness like a pile of dog shit on the sidewalk. You sir, are of the latter group. God is calling, and so is your nation.
We await your announcement with great anticipation.
Sincerely,
Blanca Elizabeth DeBree
Want to read more Blanca? Here are other recent posts from the BlancaSphere: Larry Sinclair and Barack Obama: * The Attempted Swift-boating of Barack Obama John McCain: * He's not American! |
by Blanca DeBree
image: blancasphere
Source: Open Letter to Mike Huckabee
DBKP.com - Bigger, Better!.
Death by 1000 Papercuts Front Page.
Death by 1000 Papercuts (DBKP) will ask the Washington office of the FBI tomorrow to investigate apparent threats against Israel posted on an anti-LGF Internet hate site.
DBKP is going to ask the FBI to probe what it sees is a terrorist group posing as a front organization and the threat they pose to both America and Israel.
"They're like a pack of rabid dogs," said DBKP editor Mondoreb, "If you saw a pack of wild rabid dogs filing suits and threatening people, you'd call the FBI too."
"DBKP will call the FBI PDQ on CAIR about LGF."
Mondo continued: "Just today on the CAIR website, one of the lead stories was about CAIR delivering 12,000 letters to Congress "calling for an end to Israel."
"CAIR is or was populated with convicted or unindicted terrorists," said DBKP's RidesAPaleHorse.
"We think having terrorist connections is a sign of hate."
From today's CAIR website:
CAIR said today it has collected and is delivering to Congress more than 12,000 letters calling for an end to Israel's "collective punishment" of Palestinian civilians in the Gaza Strip.
The DBKP threat to call the FBI came as a response to CAIR's calls to the FBI to investigate what CAIR felt were threatening comments on anti-Jihad website, Little Green Footballs.
"We were immediately going to contact the FBI when we saw the CAIR press release, but then we figured, the FBI has already investigated them and found connections to terrorists," said DBKP's Ginn.
"What's good's another call today? The FBI's probably already a ton of surveillance on CAIR already and another ton would just be overkill."
"So we'll call tomorrow."
Mondo continued that it was not only the CAIR website that prompted DBKP's action: an Internet photo that showed CAIR officials also had DBKP staff worried.
They (CAIR) "appeared foreign-looking in some pictures."
The Council on American-Islamic Relations (CAIR) today asked the St. Louis, Mo., office of the FBI to investigate apparent threats against a local mosque posted on an anti-Muslim Internet hate site.
Because of similar bias-related incidents and lawsuits by CAIR nationwide, DBKP is urging conservative individuals and institutions to review security procedures using advice contained in its "Conservative Community Safety Kit."
The kit should be ready for "worldwide Internet distribution later this week", commented Ginn.
"We're treating this CAIR business like a serious threat."
"This whole CAIR thing just creeps me out."
by Mondoreb
from DBKP staff reports
images:
* pipelinenews
* pipelinenews
* RidesAPaleHorse
Source:
* When CAIR attacks
* FBI asked to probe comments on hate site
Death by 1000 Papercuts Front Page.
CNN's Wolf Blitzer has been warned not to focus Thursday's Dem debate on Hillary. 'This campaign is about issues, not on who we can bring down and destroy,' top Clinton insider explains. 'Blitzer should not go down to the levels of character attack and pull 'a Russert.'
Blitzer is set to moderate debate from Vegas, with questions also being posed by Suzanne Malveaux.
Blitzer says he is not being pressured by any campaign: 'No one has pressured me. No one has threatened me. No one is trying to intimidate me'.
CONFIRMATION:
Developing.
Special Report by:
RidesAPaleHorse
Death by 1000 Papercuts Front Page.
Inspired by this Breitbart story, Monkeys Rampage in Indian Capital:Just weeks after the Indian capital's deputy mayor toppled to his death fighting off a pack of monkeys, the animals are back on the attack, sparking fresh concerns about the simian menace. One woman was seriously hurt and two dozen other people were given first aid after monkeys rampaged through a neighbourhood in east Delhi over the weekend.
"There were about three or four monkeys involved," deputy police commissioner Jaspal Singh told AFP.
"Wildlife officials are trying to find them. As police we're not experts in dealing with monkeys. We can deal with mad bulls but monkeys are more difficult," he said.
Along with an estimated 35,000 sacred cows and buffaloes that roam free in the capital, marauding monkeys have been longstanding pests. They routinely scamper through government offices, courts and even police stations and hospitals as well as terrorise neighbourhoods.
Pixelaneous #19:
Fantastic Sand Castles
[graphics: RidesAPaleHorse]
Death by 1000 Papercuts Front Page.
For suffering fans of Dog the Bounty Hunter, relief might be just around the corner. DBKP has just learned that The History Channel and Art and Entertainment Network have teamed up to bring a new sort of hero to the tube.
When RidesAPaleHorse heard the news, he was so excited he scoured the Internet until he found some evidence. We're excited too: we know that one of our Favorites from TVLand will no longer be neglected.
No word yet as to whether the show will be filmed in Hawaii or a small rural town in North Carolina.
[image: RidesAPaleHorse
Back to Front Page.
It seemed the new TV season had just started, then, suddenly, the stream of new episodes threatened to run dry.
For the most part, you can relax for the rest of the month. Even with TV writers on strike, most of your favorite comedy and drama series have episodes on tap through November, and even beyond. But a few will be in reruns all too soon.
--AP/MyWay
by RidesAPaleHorse
Back to Front Page.
We NEVER put up three videos in a row, but we just got this from the producers in the mail--and only got half-way through it and said "We gotta put this up!" It is freakin' hilarious!
Warning: Satire about Nazis-types. White Supremacists, Nazis, Neo-Pagans and memebers of Nationalist Movement should probably not watch this--may cause high blood pressure, dizziness, anxiety and loose stools.
[video - 4:10]
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Hillary "Cacklin'" Clinton
Vs.
Mike "The Invisible Man" Gravel
The Setting: The Death by 1000 Papercuts Polit-O-Drome
The Announcers: Mondoreb & Little Baby Ginn
The Rules: 3-question Texas Death Debate Style
MONDOREB: Welcome to the DBKP Polit-o-drome and today's Clinton-Gravel 1st Round Match. Once again, it's looking like a full house for DBKP Political Cage Match action. Scalpers were only getting $290 a ticket outside the arena. That's over $200 less than our last Match between the "The Mayor of Mayhem" Giuliani and "Dunkin Death" Hunter. What do make of that, Ginn? "Cacklin" Clinton usually pulls a good crowd.
LITTLE BABY GINN: Well, I don't think it's the Clinton supporters. You know they're going to show. But it's a long way from Alaska to the Polit-O-Drome. Gravel might not have much of the crowd behind him here today.
MONDO: Gravel's supporters might not have much to cheer for: "The Invisible Man" is a decided underdog in today's match. Your referee today is once again Mayor Mikey Bloomberg of New York City. We're almost ready to go. Any last thoughts about today's matchup, Ginn?
GINN: Don't count Gravel out. He's solid and I think he'll bother Clinton from the Left. Expect him to throw a lot from that direction today.
MONDO: OK, buckle up! We're ready for this one to start up!
[DING! DING! DING!]
"INVISIBLE" Mike Gravel: We have to address the whole drug issue. I see no reason between marijuana and booze or alcohol, and there's no reason why you shouldn't be able to go to a liquor store and buy marijuana. It has recuperative powers.MONDO: Gravel starts out working high. I think that's bothering Clinton.
Source: 2007 HRC/LOGO debate on gay issues Aug 9, 20
GINN: The Legal Drugs Dropkick always makes Clinton uncomfortable. She already looks winded.
MONDO: Then she could be in trouble because I don't think she inhales either.
Hillary "CACKLIN'" Clinton:GINN: Hillary comes up lame and now she's got Gravel in the clinches. She's not letting go.
We need diversion, like drug courts. Non-violent offenders should not be serving hard time in our prisons. They need to be diverted from our prison system. We need to make sure that we do deal with the distinction between crack and powder cocaine. And ultimately we need an attorney general and a system of justice that truly does treat people equally.
Source: 2007 Democratic Primary Debate at Howard University Jun 28, 2007
MONDO: She was smart to lock it up; Gravel mighta got her against the ropes on that one. Bloomberg steps between them and breaks it up. Is Gravel smiling? What's going on there?
GINN: He's taunting her, Mondo! Gravel's pointing and mocking her to try and hit him!
MONDO: He's showing some fire--and that seems to be confusing Clinton. The small band of Gravel supporters is going nuts!
"INVISIBLE" Mike Gravel:GINN: He's got her in an Unfair Crime Cruncher. I don't think she was expecting this Libertarian onslaught from the "Invisible Man"! Clinton's hurtin' for certain now. Mondo, we could have a 1st Round upset brewing!
Because so much crime is the product of people who were in prison, an obvious means of reducing crime is to drastically reduce our prison population. That can be done, at no danger to society, almost overnight. How? By eliminating a whole host of common social activities from the law's list of "crimes."
Common activities for which we now punish people--so-called "victimless-crimes" because they affect no one but the participant--include drinking, prostitution, gambling, homosexuality, use of certain drugs. What is the point of jailing people for these practices? What more towering hypocrisy, what more potent breeder of total disrespect for the law can there be than these "crimes," which are practiced by millions of citizens, but for which only a few are singled out for punishment?
Victimless crimes are a peril to our health only in so far as they are classified as crimes. Some 51% of criminal arrests in 1970 were for victimless crimes. We could very nearly empty our jails by abolishing them.
Source: Citizen Power, by Sen. Mike Gravel, p.214-215 Jan 1, 1972
MONDO: Hillary's looking to her corner for help. Looks like Bill, her manager, is distracted by a Paris Hilton lookalike in the third row, Ginn.
GINN: That oughta fire her up, for sure.
Hillary "CACKLIN'" Clinton:MONDO: OH NO! She hit him with a low blow!
"Goddamn stupid fucking fool!"
"Stay the f**k back, stay the f**k away from me! Don't come within ten yards of me, or else!"GINN: Oh my God! Did you see that?!?! She did it again! Clinton hit Gravel low again and then threatened him! The "Invisible Man"'s hurt and hurt bad!
MONDO: I've never seen anything like it, Ginn! Two low blows in a row! That oughta be a point.
GINN: Thank God, the ref IS deducting a point from Clinton's score. And checking out Gravel. He's hurt, Mondo.
MONDO: Losing one point isn't going to help Gravel any if he can't continue.
Hillary "CACKLIN'" Clinton:
"Come on Bill, put your dick up! You can't f**k her here!!"
GINN: She's obviously upset with her manager. Somebody better get her calmed down or she's gonna get disqualified!
MONDO: Fat chance, Ginn, it happened right at the end of the round.
The Invisible Man WAS doing so well, too; he's still doubled over in pain from those two HARD low blows. I don't know if he's gonna come out for the last round.
GINN: Looks like Clinton's calming down. Gravel definitely does not look good.
"INVISIBLE" Mike Gravel:MONDO: Gotta hand it to Gravel: he's a gamer. He's not backing down, crippled crotch or not! He's trying to get Clinton in the Habeus Corpus Cross of Death!
During one of the debates I mentioned that my fellow Democratic candidates scare me. Hillary's speech last week to the Take Back America conference gives me yet another reason to be afraid.
In an indignant voice she decried the Bush administration's ''stunning record of secrecy and corruption, of cronyism run amok. . . It is everything our founders were afraid of, everything our Constitution was designed to prevent.'' Actually, our Constitution grants Congress the power to prevent these ills but Hillary and her colleagues weren't up to the task.
Our founders' legacy did not stop Hillary from voting for the Patriot Act and then supporting its renewal in 2006 despite revelations that the government was using it to infringe on the very liberties that our founders held sacred. Where was her commitment to our founders when she voted to gut our habeas corpus protections?
Huffington Post - June 25, 2007
Hillary "CACKLIN'" Clinton:GINN: Wow! Clinton puts him away with a roundhouse Patriot Punch to the head!
I despise terrorism and the nihilism it represents. Those helping terrorists would face the "wrath" of the US.
Source:Her Way, by Jeff Gerth & Don Van Natta, p.240-241 Jun 8, 2007
Mondo: Damn, Ginn. Gravel almost had her til she wrapped herself in the flag. Good defense by Clinton--and good offense, too! But everybody loves an underdog; "The Invisible Man" almost pulled a stunner here today. He just couldn't overcome those Clinton low blows. But you have to hand it to Hillary. She knew what she had to do to win and she got it done. I thought it would be hard to top the Giuliani-Hunter slugfest, but this was action-packed from the bell!
GINN: This one was certainly a treat for the casual fan of Ultimate Political Cage Match action. Looks like the judges' have a decision. And I'd like to remind our viewers that the judges decisions are FINAL!
[JUDGES DECISION: Hillary "CACKLIN" Clinton over Mike "INVISIBLE MAN" Gravel 2-0; one judge scored it a draw.]
GINN: Clinton's the winner! She'll take on the winner of Bill "Close Encounters" Richardson and "Judicial Joe" Biden in the Quarterfinals. That's it for this Round 1 action. Hillary came out on top. Be sure to be here for our next match: Mitt "The Maulin' Mormon" Romney vs Mike "The Heartless" Huckabee.
MONDO: Until then, have a safe trip back home and remember--the early bird gets the worm.
by Mondoreb & Little Baby Ginn
[graphic:RidesAPaleHorse]
Clinton low blows by Snopes
PREVIOUS FIRST ROUND ACTION:
Rudy "The Mayor of Mayhem" Giuliani vs. Duncan "Dunkin' Death" Hunter
This has been a Death By 1000 Papercuts Political Death Production. No portion of it may be rebroadcast, reproduced or put on the back of a cereal box without the express written consent of DBKP.
Back to Front Page.
The latest polling news is grim for Rudy and the Republicans: they get crushed by the Clinton fashion juggernaut.
Polls say that in a match-up between Rudy in drag and Hillary Clinton in a peach pants suit with navy blue scarf, voters prefer Hillary by almost 20%. If Giuliani changed his outfit to a more presidential Brooks Brother suit, likely voters indicate that the gap is more than cut in half to 9%--if the suit is a dark blue.
This according to the latest Zogby Poll.
Of course, that's Fred Zogby, the guy down at the Limestone General Store who said he'd check this out for us. Fred completed his research and dropped it off while on his way to town. When told that there was no hurry, Zogby responded "People have a right to know."
Fred was partly motivated by the latest news from Pew Research and the analysis from Politico
One year before voters go to the polls to select the next president, the Republican Party is as weak as it has been in a generation, a detailed new poll suggests.
In a hypothetical match-up between Hillary Clinton and Rudy Giuliani, bloc after bloc of traditionally Republican voters break for Clinton:
She wins the South. She polls evenly with voters who attend church at least once a week. She splits families with a household income above $100,000. She loses rural voters and men — but only by a narrow margin.
The findings from The Pew Research Center for the People & the Press remain preliminary, considering even the primaries are still two months off.
Dire news indeed for early November--in 2007.
Back to our Zogby. He indicates the poll has a statistical margin of error of plus or minus 14%, depending on time of day asked and number of beers consumed by the respondents. He was quick to point out that these results might not reflect the moods of Americans on Election Day 2008, seeing as how that's over a year away.
But they're probably as accurate as their more-scientific brethren at this point.
by Mondoreb
[image:newsamericanow]
Back to Front Page.
by Mondoreb
This week we look at the humor of cartoonist, Ted Rall.
And that's a look at the "Humor of Tedrall"
Back to Front Page.
The Global Incident Map over the weekend got faked out by a faux-CNN site. The site, made up to look like CNN, but calling itself "CNN Headlie News" caused the map to label the California fires as a terrorist act. More from GIM:
Previously we linked to a fake 'CNN' article claiming that the Hispanic group MEChA had taken responsibilty for the recent California arsons.DBKP's Little Baby Ginn had covered this and linked to several sources. Those link sources have since disappeared, but the original story, below, is still at this site.
The story was False, and on a website made to look like an official CNN website, complete with a CNN logo and copyright reading "© 2007 Cable News Network. Turner Broadcasting System, Inc.". The web address used the domain cnnheadlienews.com, and does not clearly identify itself as a satire or parody news site.
The story was a fake, I was duped... apparently along with many other websites, forums, and mailing lists - many of whom do not yet appear to be aware the story is false. I apologize to my readers and to anyone negatively impacted by the inclusion of ths article. Personally I hope that CNN and the FBI track down the author of this hoax website and deliver justice.
ORANGE COUNTY, California (CNN) -- Radical Hispanic separatist organization MEChA ("Movimiento Estudiantil Chicano de Aztlan") is taking responsibility for setting the wildfires in California, confimed Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger.The rest of the story is a pretty much a copy of an original CNN story about the fires. One exception is the fire chief, Kris Conception. The story is the only story on the site that can be accessed. The Sphere-related content is working on the page, including this from Patterico's Pontifications:
California officials received a letter earlier today containing photographs of individuals holding Molotov cocktails, then throwing them into dry brush. The faces of the individuals appeared to have been digitally distorted.
Also included was a rambling manifesto, stating that the reason for the act of arson was that "Aztlán belongs to indigenous people, the Chicanas and Chicanos of Aztlán. We are sovereign and not subject to a foreign culture.
If I were a lawyer for CNN, I would send someone a sternly worded letter over this.A later update on PP's site goes on:
I’m all for satire, but there is absolutely nothing there to indicate that it’s satire, other than a single missing letter in the URL.
UPDATE x3: Commenter Steve points out one line that does identify the piece as potential satire: “No suspects have been identified, though they are probably brown.” That line both provides a potential “satire” defense to the creator, and also clearly labels the phony site as the work of a leftist trying to rope in right-wingers.It isn't the first time CNN or the BBC's sites have been imitated and used to spoof others. It won't be the last.
UPDATE x4: Also, the registration for the site comes back to a company whose website has four different front pages. One says: “Not one cent to sweatshops,” with a further rant about clothes bearing the Gap label.
That pretty much sews it up. It’s a leftist who perpetrated this particular lie.
One could question the timing of this whole episode, given the seriousness of the story (the California fires) in question. There's a world of difference between a story about current serious events and one detailing the exploits of a lion wiping out 42 midgets, the latter story supposedly by BBC.
by Mondoreb
& Little Baby Ginn
Back to Front Page.
